UBS is a Swiss bank so obsessed with promoting an image of trust, sobriety and efficiency that until recently it had a 44-page dress code advising on everything from the wearing of a wristwatch to the taking of a daily shower.
Now we are told that 31 year old Kweku Adoboli, who joined UBS as a trainee investment adviser in 2006, has allegedly lost the bank $2 billion.
What’s wrong with this picture? On the one hand we are led to believe that the bank is so much in control of its staff that they monitor the length of their hair, the cleanliness of their spectacles and even the colour of their underwear.
At the same time, the same bank can apparently mismanage a young trader’s activities to the tune of $2 billion. This is the same amount of money the company was trying to save by shedding 3,500 jobs throughout the organisation.
This level of incompetence wouldn’t be allowed to happen at the National Bank of Banana Republic, let alone at one of the most stable and efficient of Swiss banks.
But what has this got to do with watches? Well, the 44-page UBS dress code stressed that the wearing of a wristwatch promoted a sense of trust and punctuality. In light of these developments what watches would we recommend for UBS Bank employees.
UBS Bank watch wearing guidelines
Rapp watch
One thing’s for sure, someone’s going to take the ‘rap’ for this major ‘wardrobe malfunction’, so why not be seen in this striking silicone novelty watch that is currently adorning the wrists of celebrities the world over. The Rapp watch comes with several colourful straps to match your mood. ‘White as a sheet white’ or ‘embarrassed as hell red’ could be good colours to opt for at UBS Bank right now.
Mickey Mouse watch
This fun quartz Mickey Mouse watch should be wholly appropriate for board members of UBS Bank as things stand. After all, they must be in Disneyland if they think we believe this could happen to a Swiss bank.
G-Shock Jelly Baby-G
While the sudden discovery of a $2 billion black hole in the bank’s accounts will undoubtedly have come as a shock, we opted for this particular Casio G-Shock because it is made of transparent jelly, and it’s transparently obvious something is wrong at UBS Bank. It’s water resistant to 200 metres, which could be useful for those who suddenly find themselves in hot water.
Toy Watch
What better accessory than this smart banker’s bling watch from Toy Watch. One of the key advantages of Toy Watches is that they are made from ‘plasteramic’ and UBS could seriously do with a Band Aid right now.
Panerai Luminor Marina with titanium bracelet
Someone’s going to have to get to the bottom of this wildly expensive scandal, so what better watch for the job than this stunning and very rare Panerai Luminor Pam 279. It comes on the hard to find titanium bracelet, and finding where $2 billion went is going to be very hard to fathom as well.
